WHAT IS CAPITALISM?
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell three of them
to your publicly listed company, using letters
of credit opened by your brother-in-law at
the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap
with an associated general offer so that
you get all four cows back, with a taxexemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred
via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company
secretly owned by the majority shareholder
who sells the rights to all seven cows back
to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight
cows, with an option on one more. Sell one
cow to buy a new president of the United
States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance
sheet provided with the release.
The public buys your bull.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force
the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because
you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they
are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images
called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You reengineer them so
they live for 100 years, eat once a month,
and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where
they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn
you have five cows. You count them again
and learn you have 42 cows. You count them
again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop
counting cows and open another bottle of
vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong
to you. You charge others for storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking
them. You claim full employment, high bovine
productivity, and arrest the newsman who
reported the numbers.
A WELSH CORPORATION
You have two cows. That one on the left is
kinda cute